Archives for April 2014

I feel like food and I need intensive couples counseling.  In fact, I wish divorce was an option.

But that’s the problem isn’t it?  Food can not be escaped.

One of the great things about developing a habit is that you remove the ‘thinking’ part of the equation.  For example, I work out almost every week day at the same time.  Other than choosing my clothing the night before, I spend NO time thinking about going to the gym.

Wanna know how many times a day I think about food?

It’s probably around 6, 731.

Yours may be lower.  I don’t know your life.

And these are not all obsessive food addict thoughts.  Just making a decent choice for a snack or meal requires some time and mental activity.  I’ve tried very hard to automate at least one meal a day by having the same thing for breakfast all the time.  But I really love food (I know, shocking ain’t it?)  so even when I am completely on track, I like to make and eat foods that taste good.

The hardest part for me is trying to change my view of food. Food got me into this mess and food is the only thing that can get me out. And that’s just DIFFICULT.  Because I’ve never looked at food as fuel or as medicine. Food has been entertainment, friend, counselor, enemy and so many more things.   

So I’m trying hard to change.  I’m asking myself a new question.  My first thought when thinking of food is not ‘how many calories, fat, carbs, points or whatever. I’m training myself to ask this. “What will this food do for me?”

And this is the only way I know how to even begin to turn my problem into my solution.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the mountain this week.  Remember the mountain from 15 weeks ago?  It’s the one I was so convinced that God would move.  I even chastised myself for not trusting Him to move it.

It’s still there.  And honestly it seems a whole lot bigger now.

It’s easy for me to tell you how far I have come.  There has been real measurable success.  But I find myself sitting at the base of this mountain feeling like an abject failure. And from where I sit now, the road ahead looks so much harder the the distance I have already traveled.

I’m doing everything I am ‘supposed’ to do.  (What does that even mean?)  But this week everything just seems hard.  Things at the gym that used to be manageable now seem overwhelming.  I’m second guessing every piece of food I put in my mouth.  I have multiple tabs open on my computer as I search for ‘lap band surgery”, ” Biggest Loser Auditions” and “Buy all the supplements Dr Oz has ever mentioned”.  And the hardest thing to accept is that there is no exit strategy.  I blown up the bridge behind me.  There is no going back.

God is not going to move the mountain.

He wants me to climb it.

The climb is not the punishment, it’s the gift.  And I should be rejoicing that God has given me the ability to achieve this goal.  But I’m ashamed to admit that I really just wanted a miracle.  I don’t mean a “wake up one day magically one hundred pounds lighter and physically fit’ kind of miracle.  I was thinking more along the lines of a ‘work out, make good choices and wake up six months later thin and healthy’ kinda deal.

This was the basic direction of my discussion with God during spin class.  I bet I pray more on the bike than the preacher who takes classes with me.  And as I pedaled through the possibly hardest workout ever listening to my trainer try to motivate me with every uplifting quote in her arsenal, God dropped this on me.

“YOU are the miracle.”

Ya’ll. I. Cannot. Even…

But at that moment, things began to clarify for me.

Carbs are not the miracle.

Calories are not the miracle.

Spinning and strength training are not the miracle.

The miracle is this body that God has designed to repair, renew and (eventually) resurrect.

I am the miracle.

And when the miracle meets the mountain?  Things might start getting interesting…