Archives for May 2014

I gave up Coke Zero for Lent.

I have no idea why I decided this would be a good idea.  I mean I know artificial sweeteners are no good for me.  I never considered Coke to be a health drink or anything.  But I have been drinking this stuff for 3 decades.  Ya’ll this isn’t a habit, it’s a lifestyle.

And never in my whole Baptist existence have I given up anything for Lent.  It’s just not me.

But for some reason I decided to do this thing.

It wasn’t pretty.  For one thing I learned that when I deny myself something I really like, my personality turns into that of a spoiled 3 year old.  I whined for 40 straight days.

At restaurants, my family sipped their delicious drinks and I glared at my water glass and that stupid, stupid lemon. At home I guzzled gallons of herbal tea just to give myself the appearance of enjoying hydration.  At the gym, I drank my water happily as I always do.  I find extreme sweating is the only thing that makes plain water enjoyable to me.

By the halfway point, I probably would have murdered the pope for a glass of fizzy chemicals.

At my all time low point, I sobbed over my glass of unsweetened iced tea.  “Jesus died so I could have Coke Zero!”  I’m not proud of this ya’ll but there ya go.

And then something weird happened.  I kinda forgot about the whole thing.  After about 4 weeks, I had just grown accustomed to not having Coke around.  I’m not suggesting that I loved the flavor of unsweetened iced tea but I got used to it.  And I honestly started viewing almost all my drinks as just a hydration method.  My body needs it.  I provide it.  (This does not apply to my morning coffee which is still akin to a spiritual experience.  You’ll have to pry that coffee mug outta my cold, dead hands!)

As Easter (and the end of my Lent experience) approached, I laid in a supply of Coke to celebrate.  Don’t shake your head at me.  I had a plan.  I have denied my family Coke too so I knew that other than the one can I was saving for me, the rest would be gone before Easter dinner was on the table.  As the kids tore through their baskets, I popped the top and took a sip of the delicious nectar I had been denying myself for 40 days.

Ya’ll, it tasted like crap.   I was so disappointed. And relieved.

I wouldn’t tell you that I was ‘addicted’ to Coke.  And I am not even hinting that I won’t have one again.  But it is nice to know that I can eliminate one more thing from my nutritional baggage.  I really don’t think Coke Zero was hurting my weight loss efforts.  But it certainly wasn’t helping either.

A friend of mine recently told me that she has been dieting since January 1st and she had lost 20 pounds.  I honestly didn’t think she had 20 pounds to lose but I congratulated her and listened as she talked about how awesome she felt.  I wasn’t jealous or envious.  I was genuinely happy for her.  This deal ain’t easy friends.  We need all the support we can get.

Fast forward two days.

I step on the scale.

Down 21.5 pounds since January.

My first reaction, of course, was disappointment.  21 pounds in 19 weeks?  Forget this one year goal.  This will take me at least 2.

But then I remembered my friend.  And I thought “What if I just extended the same kindness to myself that I so readily give to others?”   And I decided to do just that.

So I will admit that losing weight at this snail’s pace is frustrating.  It’s almost as if I am releasing the pounds one at a time.  And sure, symbolically that makes a beautiful image.  But in reality it’s a pain in my booty. But change is happening.  I see it every day.

And it’s ok that you can’t see it yet.  It takes about a 30 pound weight loss before it’s noticeable to others.  At this rate I will be there by around Christmas.

But I will get there.

It seems as if so much fitness today is marketed as a punishment.

Extreme this.

Boot Camp that.

Turbo whatever.

It’s as if our overweight bodies have become the enemy and the only way to victory is total warfare. But the collateral damage is massive, isn’t it?  If suffering was a legitimate path to health and wellness, most every fat person I know would be in the best shape ever.

I often find myself going on mental tirades at the treatment overweight people receive.  I’m mad at doctors who don’t believe we are telling the truth about our lifestyle.  I’m mad at nutritionists who claim to know the answer but not the questions.  I’m mad at the food manufacturers who make snack cakes so delicious.  I’m mad at plus size clothing designers for really…so many reasons. And most of all I am mad at those of you who have never struggled one day of your life with food or weight.  I’m mad at your lack of compassion for those of us that do struggle.

But if you add all that anger up and multiply it by a zillion, it still won’t be enough to match how mad I am at myself.  And I can’t speak for the entire obese population of the world but I feel confident that I am not alone in this feeling.  And this self-anger is why we are so susceptible to complete nonsense.  We fall prey to every dumb thing that is marketed to us because we believe we deserve to suffer.

72 hour juice fast?  Count us in.

30 days of nothing but raw food?  We don’t care if it makes sense.  It sounds absolutely horrible.  Sign us up.

A workout that burns 1500 calories in a half hour but will probably send us to the ER?  Yes. Please.  Take our money.

And I have had enough.

I’ m waving the white flag but I’m not surrendering.

I’m making peace with where I am, where I am going and how long it may take to get there.

I’m forgiving every person that ever gave me bad advice and I am forgiving myself for taking it.

I’m reconciling myself to a lifetime of work not struggle.

My body and I are calling a truce.