When I started working out last Fall, I never intended to work out and continue to eat abysmally. I did eat abysmally but my point is that I didn’t INTEND to do it.
Part of me is really annoyed that I was simultaneously doing something very good and very bad for my body. But for the most part I am actually glad it happened. You see, prior to this experience I always thought of exercise as something to do ONLY in conjunction with healthy eating.
For example, I took an aerobics class in high school. It was taught by one of my school teachers and several of my teachers attended the class. It was the 80’s. Everybody loved aerobics in the 80’s. God knows why. But I digress.
One of my teachers couldn’t wait for class to be over so she could have her ‘after aerobics’ pizza. She wasn’t a bulimic. She wasn’t a food addict. She was a grown woman who liked pizza.
I was horrified. I was 17 years old and (obviously) knew all there was to know about nutrition and exercise. I remember thinking “She’s just ruining all the hard work she has done in this class by eating that pizza! Why even bother?”
You see my teacher had the right idea. Exercise was something she did and clearly enjoyed but it wasn’t dictated or dependent on her food choices. When I write those words, it seems so simple. But it never has been easy for me.
For me, exercise was something that you added to an already awesome nutrition regimen. So if it’s Christmas (or say the entire month of December?) and you know your food situation is going to be ridiculous, why would you bother going to the gym?
4 months after I started consistently working out, my weight was completely unchanged. But all my clothes were loose. Exercise was changing my body despite all my inconsistencies in regard to nutrition.
But more than that I was creating a new space in my life for exercise. I work out now when I am scheduled to work out. I don’t wake up and say “There’s no point in going to class today because I’m having cake tonight.” I don’t walk into the gym with any intention of trying to ‘work off’ some bad choice I made the day before.
I exercise to strengthen my heart, my body and my mind. I exercise to honor this complicated system that God created for me.
Every day I am getting stronger. And strength has somehow become more desirable to me than fitting into my skinny jeans. I honestly don’t even long to be skinny anymore.
But I am desperate to be strong.
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